Hooking up with someone is typically not much of a problem. Eventually everyone finds their love, but will she or he stay?
Staying hooked is a problem. Relationships always begin on a high note but later they may go cold and people drift apart, new people come along and poof!… It’s over.
I have listed some of the features I think a relationship that stays has.
People basically are willing to fight for something they have invested in. I am talking about time, effort, resources and compromises. It may be diet changes, change of location etc.
The person who invests the least in a relationship can easily leave when someone more interesting comes along or the other partner gets a little annoying.
From my experience, it will not matter how much you have sacrificed for this person. If they have not invested a lot they have little to lose in leaving.
It’s like a funeral policy. After paying monthly over 6 years for a funeral policy, one cannot just leave because the policy has increased it’s pricing by 5%.
One would just complain and continue.
So if you don’t intend to leave each other, invest in each other mutually. Spiritually, financially and even through acts of service. Investment may be what you compromise or give up mutually.
Do not be in a position where you are only on receiving end or giving end.
No brainer. Every article on relationships typically emphasizes this one. Without communication you can’t know what your partners needs are. Thus you cannot even invest in the right things that appeal to your partner.
Remember putting effort in something your partner clearly does not need is futile.
Women are good at non verbal communication so at times they will take for granted that the man knows what they need.
So it’s important for men to study and read up on non verbal communication.
On the other hand to avoid misinterpretations sometimes women should just be clear about their needs as well.
General communication above all just keeps a spark of security, pleasure and assurance that something is still up. Imagine if your partner did not text you for over a day when they are clearly online talking to other people. Do you think that relationship would last.
On the the other hand too much communication is no good either. People need to breathe sometimes.
The art of good communication skills lies in knowing when to talk, listen and ignore. It involves knowing how to be clear about what you love and what you hate. How to thank and how to forgive.
3. Define the Vision
Without defining the vision of why you are in this relationship, you will eventually fall out. Inevitably.
If you are just there for the sexual benefits then be clear about it together.
If you are in it for marriage. Define that and make sure you are on the same page.
Do not have an unequally yoked outcome. It always causes problems.
People who use other people usually may pretend to want the same outcomes but time always reveals true intentions.
This is why it is important to “take it slow” and not give someone control over your entire life because they have made you laugh for a month.
On a scientific plane there are hormones associated with falling in love. For instance oxytocin is known as the love hormone. Oxytocin has been proven to be produced more and more when couples hold hands often or engage in physical touch.
Depending what boundaries you have set in your relationship on physical contact it is important that you at least hold hands.
A study proved that couples that hold hands often disagree less. Less disagreement means less friction.
On the other hand flirting can also be a mind stimulant, humor and other forms of making each other smile more often than you tress each other.
5. Understand the 5 love Languages
Years ago Gary Chapman wrote a beautiful book on the 5 love languages. People interpret love in the different 5 love languages. Some people value affirmations, some quality time, gifts, acts of service or physical touch.
You have to do research to find out which one your lover prefers.
6. Equal Yoking
When ever we talk of equal yoking what comes to mind is probably the Biblical perspective:
2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
Many Christian Pastors notify the youth of unequal yoking, essentially they are saying one will have a hard time if their spirituality with the partner are too far apart or beliefs.
I take it from multiple perspectives.
I believe most problems in a relationship emerge from areas of unequal yoking. Do not get me wrongg, disagreement is good. Differences can be sexy but I am talking about fundamental beliefs such as finance, politics, sex and religion.
If beliefs on those areas are not addressed before hand they will appear somewhere along the line and where there is unequal yoking in any area it means at some point one partner must compromise in order to reach an equilibrium.
If there is no humility in the relationship for both parties to mutually from time to time compromise their fundamental beliefs or succumb to the others those areas will continue to pop up from time to time ttill a breaking point.
As it is theorized that 80% of relationship conflict arises from 20% of the relationships frustrations. Your job is to of course find out which 20% those frustrations are and cut them off before they grow into bigger frustrations.
Like I said you will usually find these frustrations around finance, politics, sex and religion.
(This is where mutual investment may come perhaps. Compromising cannot always come from one side.
For instance… if one partner is going to shave his dread-lock because he has compromised his preferences or beliefs over the girls, then what is the girl also willing to also compromise one day for him that she values as much as he did his dread-locks?
Will she also stop clubbing for him, if he hates the idea of his girl clubbing? – Food for thought)
Compromise is a high end investment done to equally yoke people.
7. Respect of Each Other
This sums it all up because when you respect your partner you do not lie to them, cheat them, belittle them or walk over them. You consider their feelings even when it comes to things that involve your individualism.
In other words it may be your legal right as an individual to receive calls at midnight, but imagine a wife or husband receiving too many calls from the opposite sex after hours and saying, “Don’t worry, we are just friends?”
From a legal perspective the partner is indeed allowed to receive calls and so forth, but also from the same legality the partner is allowed to be upset by it.
So respect of each other even comes with those compromises. It may be a bad idea to always be in the company of some of my female friends when the girlfriend s not around to an extent that it raises suspicion to other people.
Thus respect involves a lot of emotional boundaries and it injects a loot of trust. Respect is accountability, “Honey I will be late today.”
It’s me having to tell a certain girl not to just use my profile picture as that may paint the wrong picture to my partner and me never #WCWing someone else whilst I’m in a serious relationship.
It is all the other 6 points I raised. its compromise, because inas much as you can have your own beliefs or perspectives sometimes your partners need to be heard too. As much as the partner must mutuaally hear you out on another half.
If you enjoy my writing please feel free to give me a shout out on @Mcpotar on instagram, facebook and twitter.
- 53Felicia Diallo and Jay mashaire (at time of article upload) are a musically gifted couple. You can find Felicia's music here and Jay Mashaire's Music there... open those links in other tabs and read what they have to say. Relationships can only be solidly built on clear communication. Frustration presents…